In so many ways, dating a single mother is an entirely different experience compared to dating someone without children. In this episode, we explore the unique dynamics, challenges, and many rewards of stepping into a relationship with a single mother. From navigating your needs, to her unique priorities and needs to understanding her relationship dynamic with her ex, this episode breaks down the 20 essential things you need to know to make the relationship work—or decide if it’s the right fit for you.
When dating a single mother, her children will always come first, and rightfully so. From middle-of-the-night emergencies to the emotional minute by minute demands of raising kids, you have to be prepared for her attention to shift instantly away from you and the relationship when something goes wrong. If you’re someone who struggles with ranking lower on the totem pole or who feels competition around children, this dynamic might not be for you. You’re stepping into a pre-existing family system, not just a relationship.
Be Ready for Complexities
Single moms often carry the emotional weight of past relationships, whether it’s lingering emotional pain with an ex, very real divorce baggage, or balancing co-parenting arrangements. The question of whether her children like you or not can also have a huge impact on the relationship. And while single moms are often incredible caretakers, that care may be directed more toward their children than you. This dynamic requires understanding, patience, and creativity, especially when it comes to topics like discipline, finances, and meeting the extended family.
It’s important to recognize that stepping into a relationship with a single mom doesn’t mean stepping into a parenting role unless this is explicitly agreed upon. You don’t have to raise her kids, but being a support system to them and a friend to them can be phenomenally rewarding to everyone involved!
And while single moms may have high standards for their partner, you’re allowed to have your own (high) standards too. A relationship works when both partners feel supported, respected, and seen.
The Rewards of Connection
While dating a single mother has its challenges, it can also be deeply rewarding. Building a connection with her kids, even if they’re not yours, can bring immense joy and purpose to your life and this is something that most people cannot know until they’ve experienced it themselves.
Gaining emotional maturity, patience, and empathy for navigating this unique relationship dynamic will come with time. If you’re ready to embrace the complexities of loving a single mother, this guide will help you do it with care and intention.
Tune in to learn how to navigate dating and intimacy with a single mom while building a meaningful connection. For more tips on relationships and intimacy, visit Closeness.com.
Are you ready to come closer?
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:25 Disclosures
3:45 Connecting with your children is not something that ever ends
5:45 1. Anytime something goes wrong, it’s going to require mom’s instant attention
7:06 A taste of my story
9:50 2. Many women think their ex is crazy or a narcissist
12:00 The usual disclaimers
14:00 A contribution from a single mother
15:57 3. The length of your commitment matters
17:56 4. Her children must come first
22:15 5. You can’t just come over
23:29 5a. Sometimes you may rank last in terms of priority
24:24 5b. The ex she’s still in touch with
25:30 Giving a balanced perspective
27:04 6. You are stepping into a pre-existing family
30:30 7. If the children don’t like you
32:26 8. Divorce statistics and how they effect children
33:39 9. You’ve got to be creative with discipline
35:50 10. Navigating who should pay… for everyone
41:06 11. The possibility of meeting the ex or proverbial crazy ex
42:35 12. Extended family is often involved
45:14 13. Women are incredible care takers- but often not for you
49:08 14. The biggest risk: Spending time with the kids by yourself
50:50 15. You’re not man enough for not raising her kids?
52:42 16. Women have LOTS of “standards.” You’re allowed to have standards too
55:04 17. Physically speaking…
59:04 18. What about what you need as a man?
1:01:08 19. Women’s needs are often met by having and raising children
1:03:35 20. Kids are truly a sensory experience for women
1:07:20 Warm sentiments on the joys of connecting with children
1:10:55 Outro
