Lasting Longer and Keeping it up: for Men and Women
One of the most difficult—and often unspoken—topics for men is performance in the bedroom. Can he maintain his erection? Does he finish too quickly? Does he struggle with ED, or get so turned on that he finishes in minutes or worse seconds? These questions are more common than you think, yet so few men or couples openly address them. This episode dives deep into the solutions, offering practical tools and insights for both men and women to navigate this sensitive but crucial topic.
The Reality of Finishing Too Quickly
Finishing too quickly can feel frustrating, embarrassing, and detrimental to a relationship. Women often need significantly more time to warm up physically and mentally, and a man reaching orgasm too soon can leave her unsatisfied and disconnected. While it’s tempting to “accommodate” her in other ways after the fact by using toys, fingers or your mouth, it’s often not enough or ideal.
True intimacy requires presence, pacing, and awareness. Grounding techniques—like stillness, breathing, taking short breaks, and slowing down transitions—can help men regain control and create a more fulfilling experience for both partners.
Communication, Practice, and Realistic Expectations
When men focus so hard on not finishing, they often sabotage themselves by creating mental stress. Instead, staying grounded in the moment, practicing edging (stopping before the point of no return), and understanding your body’s most sensitive areas can help you last longer. It’s also essential to remove stigma and bad expectations around male performance—constant, unbroken hardness isn’t realistic, and your value as a partner isn’t measured by a single act.
For women, patience and communication are vital. Men often fear touching themselves or getting too self-conscious about “fixing the issue,” but avoiding the conversation doesn’t help. Women can support their partners by understanding their struggles, avoiding criticism, and encouraging a team-based approach to intimacy. Simple body language, verbal reassurance, and open discussions about preferences can transform the sexual experience.
Selflessness, Self-Awareness, and Lasting Connections
Lastly, being selfless doesn’t mean neglecting your own pleasure. There’s a balance between caring for your partner and allowing yourself to enjoy the moment without guilt or pressure. Intimacy is a skill—lasting longer, maintaining connection, and improving as a lover requires practice, communication, and mutual effort. The answers are out there, and the path to incredible intimacy starts with openness, patience, and a willingness to grow.
Ready to Come Closer?
Tune into this powerful episode to learn how to address sexual performance with confidence and care, while strengthening intimacy with your partner. For more tools on creating deeper, more connected relationships, visit Closeness.com.
Ready to come closer?
CHAPTERS
0:00 Introductions
1:33 Finishing too quickly is not an option for a successful relationship
2:35 It’s not enough to only accommodate her in other ways
4:04 Women need time to get warmed up!
5:50 It’s selfish of you when you finish first
7:40 Analyze your equipment – where are you the most sensitive
8:49 Rocking back and forth
9:37 Grounding yourself
12:14 Caveat for particular women who hold back sex
16:57 Being slothful and lazy
19:19 More techniques for a man to ground himself
21:41 Don’t transition from one thing to the next without a break
24:05 How do you initiate sex
26:46 Body language. It matters!
30:40 Remaining calm through the storm
34:24 Don’t get so focused on not finishing
35:48 Finishing and the actual orgasm are two different things
37:12 Thoughts on edging
39:39 You just can’t last without practice
40:45 Thoughts on taking care of her first
43:32 Simply making a woman come once is not the answer
44:30 Selflessness vs selfishness
46:46 When you’ve been with someone for a long time
49:16 How to be a little more selfish
52:11 Maintaining your erection
52:50 The absurdity of constant hardness
55:10 The women that want you to be ‘obsessed’
58:55 Where exactly do you touch her if she doesn’t want certain parts touched?
1:01:09 It’s not always about how hard you are
1:02:09 Men avoid sex too, just like you
1:04:04 When you catch yourself avoiding sex, do this instead
1:06:46 Being afraid to touch it and getting uncomfortable
1:08:00 Things women do that do NOT help
1:11:26 Why is touching it not ok
1:13:49 Removing the stigma of touching yourself
1:15:23 Bad expectations
1:19:35 Outro
