A private self-check · about ten minutes
127 behaviors that quietly destroy a relationship, and what to do instead.
Women ask me all the time what they can do on their side, and how to make their part of the relationship better. This is where I’d start. Tap the things you do, even once in a while, and you’ll see exactly what each one does to him and what to do instead.
Nothing you tap ever leaves your phone.
What the research says
Most of what’s on this list falls under what the CDC calls psychological aggression. Its researchers split it into two kinds, and once you can name them, you’ll start noticing them everywhere.
I
Name-calling, insults, humiliation, the eye-roll at a girlfriend across the table. The CDC counts it as a form of intimate partner violence, even when nobody raises a hand.
Source: CDC, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence SurveyII
Monitoring, interrogating, isolating, threatening. Sociologist Evan Stark named the pattern. California added it to its family law in 2021, so it can now count as domestic abuse in a restraining-order or custody case. In England and Wales it has been a crime since 2015.
Sources: Stark, Coercive Control (2007); California SB 114145%
In the CDC’s latest national report, 45% of American men, about 53 million, said a partner had used psychological aggression against them: insults, humiliation, tracking where they were, destroying their things or making their decisions for them. Two in five men described coercive control.
Source: CDC, NISVS 2016/2017 Report on Intimate Partner Violence (2022)40%
Researchers at Ohio State gave married couples small blister wounds, then asked them to talk through a disagreement. The wounds of the most hostile couples healed about 40% more slowly than those of the calmer couples. Constant hostility slows the body’s own repair.
Source: Kiecolt-Glaser et al., Archives of General Psychiatry, 2005↻
One partner presses with complaints and criticism while the other shuts down. Psychologist Andrew Christensen found the woman is usually the one pressing when the fight is about a change she wants, and that the pattern wears down her own happiness over time.
Sources: Christensen & Heavey, 1990; Heavey, Layne & Christensen, 1993It goes both ways. Men do every one of these too, and men can take this self-check by reading “him” as “her.” I’ve written it to women because women are the ones who most often ask me what they can do on their side. After more than a decade working with couples, these are the controlling and contemptuous behaviors I see most often, and they’re rarely named out loud.
How the damage happens
Tap each step. Notice where you usually come in, and where it could stop.
Step 1 of 5
The hard part
Most of these behaviors start as self-protection. You were hurt, ignored or let down, and a sharp edge grew to keep it from happening again. The trouble is that it doesn’t protect you. It teaches him to brace, and a man who’s bracing can’t give you the closeness you want.
Seeing it clearly isn’t about shame. It’s the first moment you get to choose something different.
The self-check
Even the ones you only do once in a while. Open a pattern, tap a behavior, and you’ll see what it does to him and what to do instead, right there. Your answers are saved privately on this device.
What it does to himEvery label stings and is destructive, and he stops feeling safe being himself around you.
InsteadName the behavior that upset you, not the man: “When you were late, I felt unimportant, like you didn’t value my time.”
What it does to himFew things kill a man’s desire and confidence faster. He’s not going to initiate with a woman who treats him like this.
InsteadIf something matters to you, ask kindly and privately. If it doesn’t, let it go. An insult is never the honest version of a request.
What it does to himHe hears that what he builds his life on is a joke to you. It makes him question everything.
InsteadAsk him about his work with real curiosity, even when it isn’t your world. Find something to be interested in.
What it does to himIt makes him feel like less. Your ex, your friend’s husband, “a real man”: he hears that he’s losing a contest he never entered.
InsteadAsk for the specific thing you want from him.
What it does to himHe reads it in a split second, and so does everyone else at the table. It tells him you look down on him.
InsteadSay the complaint without the contempt: what happened, how it felt, what you want.
What it does to himHe sees that you are capable of kindness, and that you choose to withhold it from him. That choice tells him more than any argument could.
InsteadGive him at least the warmth you give a stranger. He should receive your best, not what’s left over.
What it does to himIt shows him he’s not important and makes him feel like dirt.
InsteadGive him the same care and respect you give your kids, but not as if he were a child.
What it does to himHe learns that his inner life is unwelcome here, so he stops sharing it.
InsteadWhen he says “I feel,” stop and listen to the end. You don’t have to agree with him to understand him.
What it does to himEvery idea and example he offers is thrown out before it’s heard, and conversation becomes impossible.
InsteadConsider what he’s saying before you judge it. Disagree with the idea, not with the man.
What it does to himIt recruits an invisible audience against him, and he can’t answer people who aren’t in the room.
InsteadSpeak for yourself. If something bothers you, say it as yours.
What it does to himHe is made to carry crimes he never committed.
InsteadRespond to the man in front of you and to what he actually did.
What it does to himYou keep the last word, and he’s left talking to an empty doorway, where any reply sounds like pleading.
InsteadSay what you mean while you’re both in the room, and let him answer.
What it does to himHe learns that seeing you means preparing for criticism.
InsteadGreet him like you’re glad he’s there. Raise the issue after the hug.
What it does to himHe can’t object without being called sensitive, so the wound stays where it landed.
InsteadIf it would hurt as a statement, it hurts as a joke. Say what you mean kindly, or don’t say it.
What it does to himThe whole room watches the cold shoulder, and he’s punished without a word being said.
InsteadIf you need space, say so, kindly. Don’t stage it.
What it does to himHe’s made small in front of the people whose respect matters most to him.
InsteadDisagree in private. In public, you’re on his side.
What it does to himFew sentences cut deeper. He hears that you’re ashamed of him.
InsteadIf something about him bothers you, tell him kindly and privately. Never say you’re ashamed of him.
What it does to himYour body says “you don’t matter” louder than any word.
InsteadLook at him while he speaks. Attention is respect.
What it does to himHe’s tried and convicted in a room he was never invited into.
InsteadChoose friends who want your relationship to work, and form your own view of him.
What it does to himHe hears that he will never measure up.
InsteadNotice what’s good between the two of you, and say it out loud.
What it does to himHe ends up defending himself against things that never happened, day after day, until he begins to doubt his own memory.
InsteadAsk before you accuse: “I’m feeling insecure. Can you tell me what happened?”
What it does to himWhen the truth is treated as a lie, even proof doesn’t help. He learns that honesty has no value here.
InsteadIf he answers you sincerely, believe him unless you have real evidence.
What it does to himCoworkers, classmates and clients become suspects, and normal life becomes a crime scene.
InsteadName your fear as yours: “I get really jealous and controlling, and I’m working on it.”
What it does to himHe feels like a suspect in his own life, or like he’s in deep trouble for something imaginary.
InsteadSay what’s worrying you out loud, and let him answer.
What it does to himNothing he says can land, because any word can be turned against him.
InsteadRespond to his whole message, not the one word you can attack.
What it does to himHe learns that telling you the truth costs more than keeping quiet.
InsteadWhen he’s honest with you, thank him, even if you don’t like what you heard.
What it does to himWhen no evidence can clear him, he stops trying and stops sharing.
InsteadIf you ask for proof and he gives it, let it count.
What it does to himHe is convicted on a feeling, and a feeling can’t be disproved.
InsteadName the fear as yours, and ask for what would help you feel secure.
What it does to himHe becomes guilty of whatever your mood decides, and he can’t see it coming.
InsteadCheck your read before you act on it: “I’m noticing something. Am I right?”
What it does to himHe’s living inside a version of events he doesn’t recognize, and he starts to doubt his own memory.
InsteadCheck the facts with him before you settle on a story.
What it does to himOrdinary life becomes evidence in a case against him.
InsteadAsk out of curiosity, not suspicion, and accept the plain answer.
What it does to himHe ends up defending himself against a mirror.
InsteadBefore you accuse, ask yourself honestly whether this is yours.
What it does to himLove becomes a sting operation, and he can never relax.
InsteadAsk for what you want to know. Tests teach him that you’re waiting for him to fail.
What it does to himHis apologies lose their meaning, and resentment grows under every one.
InsteadAsk for an apology only for what he actually did.
What it does to himThis is the heart of gaslighting: over time he begins to doubt his own memory.
InsteadIf you said it, own it. If you’re unsure, say that.
What it does to himHe becomes responsible for an inner life he can’t control.
InsteadYour feelings are real, and they’re yours. Tell him what you need instead of what he caused.
What it does to himHe loses the right to his own mind.
InsteadAsk what he meant, and believe the answer.
What it does to himEvery conversation becomes a cross-examination.
InsteadAsk because you want to know him, not to trap him.
What it does to himHe’s hit, and then made to apologize for the bruise.
InsteadIf you’re hurt, say so plainly, and leave the attack out of it.
What it does to himHe’s blindsided by a reality he never agreed to.
InsteadMake decisions together, out loud, before they become facts.
What it does to himHe feels watched and observed like a science experiment, not loved.
InsteadAsk, “How’s your day?” instead of “Where are you and who’s there?”
What it does to himIt disregards his work and his rest. His focus, his sleep and his peace all suffer, and he begins to dread his phone, and you.
InsteadSend a message and let him answer when he can.
What it does to himOrdinary life turns into a report he owes you.
InsteadLet him share what he wants to share. Curiosity invites; interrogation drains.
What it does to himThe gym, a class, an errand or a night with friends becomes a betrayal.
InsteadEncourage his life outside you. A man with a full life brings more to you.
What it does to himHe has to choose between you and everyone else.
InsteadGet to know the people in his life before you judge them.
What it does to himIsolation is a classic sign of controlling behavior.
InsteadAsk him about his friends, and make room for them.
What it does to himPermission flows from a parent to a child. He feels managed, not partnered.
InsteadAgree together on what you share. Everything else is his to decide.
What it does to himHe feels investigated, not loved, and his privacy disappears.
InsteadAsk him directly about what matters to you, then trust the answer or make a decision.
What it does to himOrdinary silence becomes a crime he has to explain.
InsteadAssume he’s living his life, because he is. Let him reach you when he surfaces.
What it does to himThe relationship becomes a leash.
InsteadAsk for the contact you need, and accept that he has a life too.
What it does to himHe has to choose between you and the things that keep him whole.
InsteadSupport his passions. A man with his own life brings more of himself home.
What it does to himThe double standard tells him exactly where he stands.
InsteadHold yourself to every rule you hold him to.
What it does to himFinancial control is one of the clearest signs of coercive control.
InsteadMake money decisions together, and respect what’s his.
What it does to himHe feels owned, not admired.
InsteadCompliment what you love. Leave the rest to him.
What it does to himHis whole social world shrinks to fit your fear.
InsteadName the fear as yours, and ask for transparency, not isolation.
What it does to himIsolation from family is a classic warning sign of controlling behavior.
InsteadMake room for the people who loved him before you did.
What it does to himThe rule only ever binds him.
InsteadGive the responsiveness you ask for.
What it does to himSleep deprivation wears down judgment, health and patience, and it’s a known tactic of control.
InsteadNo serious conversations late at night. Sleep first, talk in the morning.
What it does to himHe learns that every good thing he plans will cost him.
InsteadLet him go and enjoy it. Bring up your needs on an ordinary day.
What it does to himHe feels like a secret, not a partner.
InsteadIf privacy matters to you, agree on it together, without making him feel hidden.
What it does to himHe’s humiliated in his own world and blamed for it at the same time.
InsteadIf you want his help or his world, ask him. If you’d rather learn elsewhere, say so honestly.
What it does to himHe stops trying to finish a sentence with you.
InsteadLet him finish, then answer what he actually said.
What it does to himHe never gets to finish a thought, and he never gets a moment of peace.
InsteadIf you need to stop, say so: “I need a break. I’ll call you back at eight.”
What it does to him“I’m not going to watch this filth.” He hears that he doesn’t matter and his thoughts don’t matter.
InsteadRead it and watch it. You don’t have to agree with it.
What it does to himWhatever he needs gets buried under what you feel.
InsteadAnswer his request first. Then share what you feel.
What it does to himHe asks a simple question and gets riddles, silence, or his question turned around on him.
InsteadAnswer the question you were asked: yes, no or “I’m not sure yet.”
What it does to himHe learns that apologizing is pointless and that he can never please you.
InsteadWhen an apology is sincere, accept it, even if you still need time.
What it does to him“Why are you such an idiot? I told you already. We’ve been through this. I’m not repeating myself. Don’t you listen?” This is not helpful. It’s an attack.
InsteadAsk questions you actually want answered: “What was going on for you?”
What it does to himNo answer is ever enough, so the conversation never ends.
InsteadAsk clearly, listen fully, and let the answer stand.
What it does to himHe gave you something real, and you threw it away.
InsteadIf you ask, care about the answer.
What it does to himThe heart of what he said goes unheard.
InsteadAnswer his main point before the details.
What it does to himQuestions only flow one way, and he feels like a suspect, not a partner.
InsteadAnswer him as fully as you expect him to answer you.
What it does to himHe can’t follow signals that point in both directions at once.
InsteadSay what you actually want, even when it’s hard.
What it does to himStonewalling leaves him punished without knowing the sentence or when it ends.
InsteadTake a break if you need one, and tell him when you’ll come back to it.
What it does to himThe real issue drowns under everything else, and nothing gets solved.
InsteadStay with the topic at hand. The others can wait for their own conversation.
What it does to himHe can’t follow instructions that change after he’s followed them.
InsteadSay what you actually want, and stand by it when he does it.
What it does to himThe scorecard only runs in one direction.
InsteadGo first. Say good morning, and see what comes back.
What it does to himNothing is ever allowed to end, so nothing can heal. He begins to wonder why he keeps trying.
InsteadOnce something has been repaired, let it stay repaired.
What it does to himThere is never rest between battles. Whatever you intend, what he lives with is chaos, and no peace.
InsteadEnd a fight with a repair and a hug, not a cliffhanger. Let there be calm for a week, then a month, and see what grows in it.
What it does to himHe learns that closeness is followed by a storm, and that being good to you isn’t worth it.
InsteadNotice the urge, and name it instead of acting on it.
What it does to himEvery fight becomes a threat to the whole relationship, and it triggers his fear of abandonment.
InsteadDon’t use the relationship itself as a weapon.
What it does to himHis whole day is organized around the next fight.
InsteadGive the day a chance to be ordinary.
What it does to himPsychologists call it intermittent reinforcement, and it bonds people to pain. He becomes hooked, not happy.
InsteadChoose steady kindness over the cycle of drama and repair.
What it does to himEvery repair is undone by the next recital.
InsteadKeep a list of what he does right instead, and read him that.
What it does to himWhen nothing counts, he stops trying.
InsteadName what he did. Gratitude is how good things grow.
What it does to himHe learns that his place in your life can be revoked at any moment.
InsteadTake space without banishing him. Say when you’ll talk again.
What it does to himHe learns never to open up to you again, and that you clearly can’t be trusted.
InsteadWhat he tells you in trust stays in trust, especially in a fight. Earn back his trust.
What it does to himHe feels documented and prosecuted, always on trial, never loved. No relationship can flourish while one person is building a case against the other.
InsteadKeep the loving memories. Let the fights go.
What it does to himYour friends turn against a man they’ve never met or don’t know well, and you end up in an echo chamber that defends you.
InsteadTalk to him before you talk about him.
What it does to himHis reputation becomes collateral damage. A person’s name is harmed over an argument, and the need to be right costs far more than it ever wins.
InsteadGet support for yourself without destroying his name.
What it does to himHe learns his history is a weapon waiting to be used.
InsteadLeave his past where he’s already paid for it.
What it does to himYour private conflict becomes his public humiliation.
InsteadKeep your relationship off the internet.
What it does to himThis isn’t a fight anymore. It’s verbal and emotional abuse, and it carries huge consequences.
InsteadNever. No argument justifies it. If you feel close to this, get help today.
What it does to himHe has to protect himself from you. When a partner becomes a threat to his livelihood, leaving becomes the sane choice.
InsteadTake your anger to a therapist, not to his life.
What it does to himSome words can’t be taken back. These are among them.
InsteadSay, “I’m very hurt right now,” or “What you’re saying is hurting me right now,” and stop there.
What it does to himThis is domestic violence, whoever does it, and it can ruin lives.
InsteadStop. Leave the room. No violent contact, ever, and get help to make sure it never happens again.
What it does to himA false report can cost him his freedom, his children and his name.
InsteadIf you are truly unsafe, call. If you are angry, don’t.
What it does to himIt forces him to choose between his own boundaries and your safety, and no one can live inside that choice.
InsteadIf you’re in crisis, call or text 988 right away. Never use your safety as leverage.
What it does to himBreaking his things is intimidation. He learns your anger is dangerous.
InsteadLeave the room. Never damage what’s his.
What it does to himHe lives under a threat instead of inside a family.
InsteadIf you’re considering separation, talk to a lawyer and a counselor, not to him in anger.
What it does to himHe can’t trust you in public anymore. You ruin his reputation, and you both lose.
InsteadSave it for a calm, private conversation.
What it does to himThe children learn that this is how love sounds, and that it’s OK to treat men this way.
InsteadNever in front of the kids. Take it outside, later, calmly, and speak to your partner.
What it does to himIt wounds him and the children, often for life. The damage reaches into the next generation, and it carries real consequences.
InsteadLet the kids love him and see who he is for themselves. Your conflict is between adults.
What it does to himA child’s love becomes a bargaining chip, and the child loses too.
InsteadKeep every child’s bonds out of adult arguments.
What it does to himHe stops reaching out and, understandably, stops giving.
InsteadAnswer love with a heart, a thank-you or a kind word. It costs you nothing.
What it does to himNever “How are you?” or “How are we?” This is controlling.
InsteadAsk how he is, and listen to the answer.
What it does to himThere’s no way for him to win.
InsteadWhen he offers comfort, take it, or say what you need instead.
What it does to himHe does a lot, and none of it counts, so he stops trying and stops contributing.
InsteadNotice three things he did today, and say them out loud.
What it does to himHe resents the relationship he’s working so hard for, and he resents you. A partnership where only one person gives isn’t a partnership.
InsteadName something you’ll compromise on this week.
What it does to himNo accountability means no repair. Insisting you’re blameless while you wound him makes your word impossible to trust.
InsteadOwn your part first, even if his part feels bigger.
What it does to himAffection becomes a test with a timer.
InsteadGive freely, and let him answer in his own time.
What it does to himHe’s punished for something he can’t name, so he can’t fix it.
InsteadIf something’s wrong, say it. If nothing is, let him feel your warmth.
What it does to himHis care is recast as self-interest, and he stops offering it.
InsteadThank him for what he gave. Don’t rewrite his generosity.
What it does to himHe hears that he is the consolation prize.
InsteadIf you want more from your time together, tell him what would make it better.
What it does to himHe feels shamed for a normal human moment, and it makes him not want to be with you.
Instead“OK, let’s cuddle instead.” No commentary.
What it does to himBelow-the-belt insults mean he can’t win and can’t reach you, so he stops trying. When every road leads to contempt, he stops walking.
InsteadTell him what you actually want, kindly and specifically.
What it does to himYou want him to be more sexual and assertive with you, so you make fun of him for being weak. Then he makes a sexual innuendo you don’t like, and you shame him for it. He can’t win either way.
InsteadDecide what you want, and reward him for the good stuff.
What it does to himHe can’t breathe, look away or slow down without fallout: “What’s wrong? Is it me?”
InsteadLet him pause. Let him breathe and think. You don’t need to ask, “Do you want a minute?” Just breathe with him.
What it does to himNothing ruins a man’s desire faster than being laughed at in bed. Laughter at his body teaches his body to stay away.
InsteadEncourage what you like. Leave the rest unsaid.
What it does to himIntimacy becomes a reward he has to earn back.
InsteadKeep the fight out of the bed. Say what’s wrong in words.
What it does to himThis is betrayal, and it can put his health at risk. It’s also grounds for ending the relationship.
InsteadBe honest, even when it’s hard. He has a right to decide with full information.
What it does to himLove between two consenting adults is recast as harm, and he no longer knows whether it’s safe to want you.
InsteadOwn your yes. If something didn’t feel right, say so plainly and kindly, at the time.
What it does to himHe’ll never fully relax in front of you again.
InsteadIf hygiene matters to you, ask kindly and privately.
What it does to himCoercion is coercion, whoever does it.
InsteadHis no is as real as yours.
What it does to himJealousy becomes a tool, and trust erodes with every use.
InsteadIf you want more of his attention, ask him for it.
What it does to himHe learns that closeness only shows up when sex is on the table, and the rest of the week feels cold.
InsteadOffer touch that asks for nothing: a hand on his back, a kiss hello, sitting close on the couch.
What it does to himEvery time he reaches and gets nothing back, he reaches a little less, until he stops.
InsteadTurn toward him, even for a moment: smile, touch his hand, flirt back. Small answers keep him reaching.
Your result
This self-check is for educational purposes and isn’t a diagnosis. I’m a coach, not a therapist. If you or anyone in your home is in danger, call 911.
Your next step
This self-check is lesson 11 of my course. The other fourteen lessons show you both how to stay calm when it heats up, repair quickly, set real boundaries and know when and how to walk away. Your answers carry over into the course on this device.
Ten patterns, ten antidotes
Every pattern on this list has a simple opposite. Tap a card to turn it over.
Say the complaint without the contempt: what happened, how it felt and what you want.
Tap to turn backAsk before you accuse. Name your fear as yours.
Tap to turn backCuriosity instead of surveillance. Ask how his day was, not where he was.
Tap to turn backLet him finish, then answer what he actually said.
Tap to turn backOnce something has been repaired, let it stay repaired.
Tap to turn backWhat he tells you in trust stays in trust, especially in a fight.
Tap to turn backNever. Leave the room, and get help right away.
Tap to turn backNever in front of the kids. Your conflict is between adults.
Tap to turn backNotice three things he did today, and say them out loud.
Tap to turn backKeep the fight out of the bed. Say what’s wrong in words.
Tap to turn backFor the men reading this
This page is written to women, but men do their share of damage too, and a lot of it happens in bed. These are the patterns women tell me about most. Tap each one.
What it does to herSex ends before her body has even warmed up. After enough nights like that, she stops getting her hopes up, and then she stops wanting to start.
InsteadLearn to stay with your arousal instead of racing it. Give her pleasure first with your hands and mouth, and if it’s always under a minute or two, get help with it. It’s one of the most fixable things in a bedroom.
What it does to herShe gives and gives, and sex turns into something she does for you. Desire can’t survive being a chore.
InsteadAsk what gets her there, then make her pleasure part of every time you’re together, before, during or after you finish.
What it does to herShe can’t relax with a man who might hurt her or who never checks in. Fear shuts desire down faster than anything.
InsteadStart slower and softer than you think, watch her body and ask. Intensity is something she invites, not something you take.
What it does to herShe feels compared and replaced, and there’s less of you left for her when she does want you.
InsteadCut it way back or stop, and bring that energy to her. If you can’t stop, that’s worth working on with a professional.
What it does to herShe becomes a service instead of a partner, and resentment grows every time she gives without getting.
InsteadGive at least as much as you take. Ask her what she’d love tonight, and do it.
What it does to herShe goes from close to alone in a minute, and the sex can leave her feeling used instead of loved.
InsteadStay with her. Envelop her, hold her close, talk, laugh, bring her water. Those minutes after shape how she remembers the whole night.
What it does to herTouch only shows up when you want something, so she braces every time you reach for her.
InsteadTouch her when you want nothing: a hand on her back, a kiss hello, sitting close on the couch. Desire grows from touch that asks for nothing back.
For more on all of this, see Touch Me Like That and How to Be Dominant.
When you stop
They need the attacks to stop, so the emotional bleeding can stop. He, yes he, needs to feel safe again. When your hatred and contempt go, his defensiveness usually goes with them. He starts talking again. He starts reaching for you again. Desire can come back, but how much depends on how long this has gone on and how severe it has been.
You don’t have to fix all of these things at once. Pick the ones that cost your relationship the most, tell him you’re actively and intentionally working on them, and ask him to point them out respectfully when they come up. That conversation alone changes the temperature in most homes.
Included in the course
My course for couples who are tired of the same fight: fifteen lessons for both of you. He learns to stay steady when things heat up, and you learn to stop testing, punishing and bracing.
Containment · MasterclassEnd arguments, set real boundaries, and know when and how to walk away.
Or get all six of my courses, plus the Come Closer deck, for $497. See the bundle.
Questions
No. Men do every one of these too, and men can use this self-check by reading “him” as “her.” I wrote it to women because women are the ones who most often ask me what they can do on their side, and how to make their part of the relationship better.
In some cases, absolutely. But this isn’t a diagnosis. Most people check a few. If you check several and they’re severe, you very likely have a big problem on your hands. The result shows how much damage the pattern is likely doing, and the threats, violence and children sections carry the most weight. If you checked many, or anything under Threats and intimidation, take it seriously and get support from a coach or therapist.
Yes. Everything you tap stays in the browser on this device. Nothing is sent to me or to anyone else. If you buy How to Stop Fighting, the same answers are waiting for you in lesson 11 on this device.
Then you both have work to do, and you can each start with your own side. If you want to look honestly at how you’re being treated, take my free Red Flag Quiz. If you’re deciding whether to stay, The Verdict was built for exactly that.
Please reach out today. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800-799-7233, and it helps women and men. Men can also call the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women at 1-888-743-5754. If anyone is in danger, call 911.
No. I’m a sex coach and intimacy mentor with more than a decade of working with couples. I don’t diagnose or treat mental health conditions, and for abuse, addiction or a crisis, a licensed therapist is the right first call.
This self-check is for educational purposes and isn’t a diagnosis. I’m a coach, not a therapist. If you or anyone in your home is in danger, call 911.
